Facing my fears one bridge at a time

When I was young, I wasn’t afraid to do anything. I would stand in front of large crowds, singing and dancing. I would talk to anyone who would lend an ear and I never met a stranger.

After I got sick in ‘07 all of that seemed to change. I’m not as outgoing as I used to be. I have a hard time being around a lot of people, crowds make me nervous, and singing in front of people, even singing at our church, is really hard for me.

Me making a CD at The Ryman!

So this past summer, I decided to conquer some of this fear. I tried out for NBC’s The Voice auditions in Nashville. I’ll go ahead and let you know that I didn’t make it, but I had a great time being apart of the process and I loved meeting all the other people trying to make it big.

I met people from New Jersey, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee and of course I was the Kentucky girl in my group. As we sat there for what seemed like hours waiting for our turn, we all got to know each other. We told where we were from, what we did for a living, and all the others told how they had all tried out for American Idol or America’s Got Talent, and decided they would give this contest a try.

Only one person from our group made it. He was originally from New Jersey but had been living in Nashville for years trying to catch his big break. He was an amazing musician, but so were all the others in the room.

After it was all over, I realized that I had faced some of my biggest fears. I had overcome all of the things that I said I couldn’t do. I had been in a stadium full of people I didn’t know, talked to new people, and I sang in front of a crowd. I did all of these things without a second thought.

It’s amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it...

And then along comes another trial.....

The old railroad walk bridge that connects River Drive and Kirkland Ave.

They say you come to a point in your life when you just can’t take another step. No matter how hard you try or what you keep telling yourself in the back of your mind.

This past Monday, I came to that point in my life, while standing on a bridge.

This wasn’t just any bridge mind you, this was the old railroad bridge that connects River Drive and Kirkland. You know the one that I’m talking about. It’s been there for as long as I can remember, and as long as my mom can remember and the train passes beneath it... well, I couldn’t go across.

I stood there and watched as two of the women from work took their time and walked across that rickety thing, and I just kept thinking, “I am too fat for this old bridge.”

This voice in the back of my mind kept telling me that I could make it across, but my feet wouldn’t follow. So as I stood there, half way up the other side looking across, this girl walked up to me and asked what was going on. I stood there talking to her and I said, “We are here to report the news. The other girls went across to see what was going on and to take pictures, but I was afraid that I would end up being the news. The headlines would read, “Large woman causes historic bridge to break.” She laughed and said, “Well, I wouldn’t have walked across that either.”

I stood there feeling like a fool. I had watched both ladies I work with cross the bridge, a man walked across while I was standing there, and yet, I just couldn’t do it. I just knew that if I started across that bridge it would be all over. I even knew that if something should happen that rescue workers were standing less than 100 feet from me, and yet I still couldn’t cross that old bridge.

Finally, the ladies made it back across without anything falling or breaking. One told of how she thought she was afraid of bridges but once she walked across that one, she realized she wasn’t afraid to walk across bridges, just afraid to drive across them.

So in the end I really didn’t feel too bad about not being able to make it across. Except for the fact that I’m not afraid of heights or bridges. So what am I afraid of? I guess the whole moral of the story is that I’m afraid of being fat and breaking old things.

A person once said, “If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn’t follow. I’d be at the bottom to catch them when they fall.” To that I would add, “As long as the train wasn’t going underneath.”